If Paul wrote a letter to me, I wonder if he would address me as an infant or as worldly - a mere infant in Christ. Sometimes I think I am mature. WHEN I study the Bible and contemplate the mysteries of God, I believe that I have some deep thoughts. I know much more now about the Bible and I think that I understand people better now than I did 20 years ago. But other times I believe I am in fact a mere infant. My lack of conviction about so many things makes me wonder. I read about great men and women in the Bible (Paul, for example). Did he ever struggle with the things I struggle with? Did Paul ever get so busy that he did not make time for prayer or meditation? Did Paul ever feel distant from God? Did he ever quarrel with friends? Was Paul married? I don't believe he was, but if so, did or would he fight with his wife? If Paul had children, would they say he was a great father? Did he ever do anything wrong?
This is one of the reasons (one of many lame reasons) that I sometimes do not read the Bible. I look at the people described in the Bible and I think there is no way that I could ever be like that. After 20 years of being a Christian, I cannot stand next to Paul. Heck, I am not even in the same league that Paul was in - in fact, sometimes I do not think that I am even "playing" the same game that Paul played.
Paul felt comfortable enough with his faith that he was able to call someone else an infant! I don't believe that I would feel comfortable calling anyone else an infant in Christ. That is to my shame. I do feel comfortable calling someone in my profession an infant. I have been working in my profession about as long as I have been a Christian. I am still intimidated by some people in my profession, but I believe that I know much more than others. I am more confident today in my profession than I was 20 years ago. Why do I not feel the same way about God and about my faith?
It is interesting that Paul talks about building (our faith). How much effort do I put into "building" my faith? I don't think I ever really thought about it this way. I was provided a solid foundation when I became a Christian - I am convinced of that. When someone was breathing down my back all the time, I built on that foundation using good materials, although my labor was not a labor of love. I did what I did for many reasons, but one of those was not a true love for learning and growing. Through many years and many changes and challenges, I believe that I am finally getting to a point where I am making the decision of whether I really do want to build on my faith with "gold, silver and costly stone" or whether I want to build with stray and hay. If the latter, I am just going to give up, because the latter is not worth it. The latter is just going through the motions for the sake of others. I am tired of doing that. If I am going to build, the building that I do will be with materials that will survive, not with junk.
Many years ago I used to make things as cheaply as possible. When I was doing a project around the house or when I was building something for the kids, I would look for cheap alternatives, use junk I had around the house instead of buying new, and cut corners when I could. Now I take the time to plan out and to buy what I need and spend what is necessary to do the job right. I have learned how to do it right from learning how to do it wrong. As I think about what Paul says today, perhaps I am applying some of the maturity that I have gained in life to my desire to grow spiritually. Perhaps I am a little further along than an infant. Perhaps maturity is not being perfect. Perhaps maturity is not being Paul, but maybe maturity is using my mind, experiences, and energy to grow in my knowledge and understanding of God.
I cannot KNOW the will of God for my life and I cannot KNOW the mind of God, but as I get to know God better, I believe that I will understand more than I understand now. Not sure if that makes sense.
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